A loving relationship where we feel a real connection with our partner, isn’t that what we all want? A relationship that feels just as vibrant as it was in the beginning. It seems like an ideal image because we tend to trip ourselves up many times. We start feeling frustrated about our partners’ shortcomings and in the end we shut each other out. What to do to have a soulmate experience and how to keep it, is written in the book ‘The Soulmate Experience’ by Mali Apple and Joe Dunn.
The Soulmate Experience is not a spiritual book about soulmates. It’s written as a clear and practical guide how to best deal with relationships in your life. And not only love relationships, but their advice is equally helpful when dealing with friendships, family and with co-workers and employers.
It’s one of the best books, no it’s The best book I’ve ever read about relationships. It helps you to change your perspective. To see that whatever shows up in your relationship aren’t obstacles but challenges. Moments where you can learn something and that will help you grow as a person. Because you do have a choice in how you experience things that are going on. The moment you change your perspective and behavior, it will also have an impact on the behavior of the other person. The authors share with you their ideas and suggestions that might seem odd at first sight, but do work.
The book is written based on Mali and Joes own relationship experiences. They wanted to find out why it’s possible for them to still feel love and passionate about each other and even to deepen their connection with each other. With what they found, they started to coach couples and singles and subsequently wrote the book. The Soulmate Experience.
The book is divided in two parts
- Creating your Soulmate Experience
- Keeping your Soulmate Experience alive
The most important question in the first part of the book is ‘how available are you for a soulmate experience?’. Instead of asking yourself ‘how do I find a soulmate’, the question should be more about ‘how do I become a soulmate’. The authors encourage you to look consciously at your own behavior and beliefs. Do they help you to create the experience you’re after or do they stand in your way of finding and keeping the ideal partner? They also share advice how to change this. The more available you’ll be for a soulmate experience, the sooner you will attract one into your life.
What I love are the many quotes and the questions Mali and Joe ask in their book.
They serve as a mirror to make you aware about how you act in relationships.
We often unknowingly drag a suitcase full of problems into a new relationship, drop them at our partner’s feet, and say, “Fix these for me!”
What is there for me to learn here? can shift your focus from “what’s wrong” to “what’s possible”
Keeping your Soulmate Experience alive
Then, what happens after you find each other? How do you keep your relationship fun and alive?
We all know some of the challenges we face in relationships: jealousy, rules and unsaid things and perhaps the most challenging one, expectations.
Many of these situations are based on fear. We are afraid of losing what it took us so long to get, a relationship. But the more we hold onto our partner and our relationship, the more likely it is that we ourselves create the thing we actually want to prevent. That is frustration and resistance and in the end a severed connection. Mali and Joe show us that you do have a choice in whatever shows up. You have a choice to look from a different perspective. Instead of criticizing each other or avoiding subjects, try to look consciously at what happens. Facing your challenges can bring you closer together. What it takes is to not base your relationship on fear, but on freedom.
One example to achieve this, is by seeing your partner as a guest in your life. As a person you are happy to see, whenever that might be. You realize that your time together is limited and that you don’t want to spoil this with negativity, but use it to enjoy each other’s company and everything that shows up. Together you make sure that your relationship is a safe and loving space where both of you can be yourself. Problems that might arise are dealt with as soon as possible.
Your partner doesn’t owe you anything
A safe relationship space is free of judgment, criticism, and blame
One chapter tells us about expectations and how to change them into loving invitations. By understanding that beneath every expectation (sometimes expressed, but sometimes not) lies a desire. A desire to connect with the person you love.
What gift can your partner offer you if all they do is meet your expectations?
Acting as your partner’s coach, and getting on your partner’s case, are two entirely different things!
The book contains 16 chapters in which each topic is outlined, added with real life experiences. It’s a practical, thorough guide. It serves as a mirror to make you more conscious. The suggestions and recommendations are easy to apply in your own life.
The book is available in English, Spanish and Danish. Apart from the book it’s also fun to join Mali and Joe online on their YouTube channel where they talk about the different topics from the book.