Some would describe a soulmate as the ideal romantic partner. Every relationship however has its ups and downs and at some point issues and resentment will show up. What matters if you and your partner will be able to deal with these issues together. Soulmates are sometimes defined as the perfect love. The ideal partner that loves you and with whom you will have a smooth and perfect relationship. A soulmate isn’t the perfect love in that shape or form. A soulmate is your mirror. And sometimes this love can turn into a fulfilling relationship, which will last. And sometimes…it won’t.
Some may say that soulmates agreed to meet in this lifetime to help each other heal their emotional wounds. Others state that you attract the person into your life that pushes you to grow. Whichever of these resonates with you, I think you meet a soulmate for a reason.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
(If the word ‘soulmate’ sounds too vague for you, you can replace it with the word ‘partner’. The meaning of this story stays the same. In every relationship partners will mirror each other. These mirrors and occurring emotions are experienced more intense in a soulmate relationship).
A soulmate is someone with whom you will experience a strong magnetic pull. That can be feelings of love, but soulmates also exist in friendships, within your family or in your work situation. But more likely they are experienced in romantic relationships.
It feels as if you’ve met before, even though that might not be the case. You feel comfortable with each other and at times it seems you can read each other’s mind.
A soulmate sees you for who you really are, that might explain the recognition and you feeling comfortable with each other. I think a soulmate is the ideal person that can love you, but also the ideal person to mirror you. Someone who shows you those parts of you that you’re unaware of and where there’s room to grow.
These unconscious parts of yourself might be limiting beliefs, fears, insecurities, but also painful memories of things you’ve experienced in the past. These are the things you don’t like, things you don’t want to feel anymore and for that reason you pushed them away. We often call this the shadow side of a person. Everything you keep hidden in the shadow stays invisible, so there is no reason for you to deal with it.
Usually you’re unaware what’s hidden in your shadow. Till at some point you meet someone who says or does something that really irritates you. Which will trigger one of those aspects you keep tucked away in your shadow. And that hurts. Because those hidden parts are the ones that are most painful.
Soulmates aren’t the ones who make you happiest, no. They’re instead the ones who make you feel the most ~ Victoria Erickson
Let’s say, for some reason, a miscommunication happens which makes you feel angry. At the same time you start to feel you aren’t able to defend yourself and you aren’t able to respond. This feeling you never experienced before. The limiting belief of being powerless was hidden in your shadow and is now activated. At the same moment all the old emotions well up. You don’t understand what is happening and it throw’s you off balance.
Most of these times we tend to point our fingers towards the other person. He or she made me feel this. That isn’t true, they’re your emotions and it’s up to you to handle these. What actually did happen is that the confrontation triggered something in you what was stuck. And now that it is freed wants to be felt. These old emotions now want to be recognized, they want to be healed and they want to be released. This is something you need to deal with for yourself.
Let’s go back to our example. In this case you’ll get the chance to find your own strength. You are given the opportunity to look in the mirror, to feel what’s going on inside you and to learn how to speak up for yourself.
You remove the limiting belief (powerless) from the shadow and move it into the light (allow yourself to feel and recognize what it means). You replace it with another thought ánd response (speaking up for yourself) with the result that you grow as a person.
That which inhibits you, often can set you free. What feels as an enormous mountain to climb, is usually not more than a threshold to step over. The moment you experience what it feels like to speak up for yourself, and the more you will do so from now on, the less of these situations will reoccur. You won’t attract these anymore.
Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free
But as long as you keep these things in your shadow, they will unconsciously prevent you from being who you want to be. They will hinder you in engaging in healthy relationships, they will block you from going for what you really want.
At times these emotions and old patterns can be so stuck in our system, that only a forceful event will be able to set them free. And the one person that is able to touch you so deeply, is the one you feel most connected to. Your soulmate is therefore the most ideal person.
Some people come into our lives and touch our heart so deeply that we will never be the same again
Soulmates have strong feelings for each other, a magnetic pull which in the beginning works as something very positive. This attraction is there for a reason, you’re pulled into this strong connection to engage your growth. This relationship has something for you to learn. Without this strong attraction you would ignore the things you can learn about yourself and nothing would change in your life.
Life is like nature and never stops to evolve. There will always be change. If you ignore this attraction and run away from the confrontation, you will meet another soulmate in a next relationship. And again you will encounter the same issues.
You could say, that if you ignore your issues it is only logical that at some point you will be confronted with the same things again. That is true. But I believe that a soulmate is drawn to you for this specific reason, and the connection will be intense.
The attraction can be confusing. On one side you feel a longing to be with him or her. On the other side there is fear and your limitations come to the surface and you don’t want to be with him or her at all. Does he or she bring out the best in you, or the worst?
Denying something’s wrong or finding relief in food, alcohol, sex or other distractions to avoid feeling anything won’t work. The more you run away, the stronger the emotions are felt and the more situations you’ll encounter that will trigger you. The fear and resistance won’t go away. They want to tell you something. There’s something to learn here.
To be or not to be
A soulmate experience can be a painful experience and can turn your life upside down. Arguments can arise and the relationship ends. Or arguments can arise and you will stay together. It all depends, on the both of you.
Usually you will mirror each other. In both of you something will be triggered (mirrored) that until now you’ve been unaware of. Till this moment. The other person is often unaware of the trigger and the emotions you feel.
Feeling emotions, let alone sharing these with your partner is one of the most difficult things. Still, it is the opening to a solution. The most important thing you can learn from a soulmate experience is becoming conscious of what happens and of understanding each other.
What if it doesn’t work? If one, or both, of you don’t want to take responsibility over their own feelings and life, it could lead to unhealthy situations even a toxic relationship. Where one of you invests more into the relationship than the other. In that case it might be better to end the relationship and go your separate ways.
Are you brave enough to look in the mirror? Are you brave enough to feel what is in your shadow? Will you take responsibility to deal with this yourself? Can you look through another’s behavior and see that everybody has a shadow and perhaps feels fear or insecurity? Can you give the other person enough space? Can you be vulnerable and share your feelings?
Until we have seen someone’s darkness we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness we don’t really know what love is ~ Marianne Williamson
If both of you are capable of doing this, and the attraction is still there it might work. It could also be that once you worked through this, the attraction has disappeared. In that case be honest with one another and make sure you end this relationship in a good way. Understand what you learned, heal yourself and move on. That way you prevent that you attract the same situation again.
Your soulmate (or partner) gives you the opportunity to look in the mirror to heal yourself. You get the chance to grow and to find your true self again. It actually is a very loving gesture. It is one of the greatest gifts one can receive.
Copyright picture: Underwater Tango by Katerina Bodrunov