A new beginning
You knew this would happen. Deep down you knew you couldn’t go on like this. Determined you kept trying though. But every road you took, every corner you turned was a dead end. Till this one day and you couldn’t deny what was going on in your life any longer.
So you finally took the time to stop and think. Behind you there are paths you don’t want to follow any more. In front of you…an infinite and desolate road. Will you stay here, stranded on this spot? Or…do you walk on?
It’s just like with that old coat. For months, maybe years this coat was a perfect fit. Wearing it made you feel warm and secure. And every time you stepped outside this comfortable coat was the first thing you grabbed. This coat gave you a certain look and the people around you were always able to recognize you by it. Not only that, but through this coat they formed their ideas how and who you should be.
But the last year something’s happened. You’ve been through a lot, and all these things have changed you. You’re no longer the person who you used to be. And this coat, that once felt so good now feels tight and it pinches. It weighs you down and every day it costs you more and more energy to put it back on. And if you step outside it sometimes gets in your way. It even seems that others react differently to you. You clash and irritate each other. What once felt so comfortable, now chafes.
Still you keep on putting on this same old coat, over and over again. Deep down you feel you like to keep it this way, because this routine feels so safe and it feels all too familiar. As long as you keep yourself busy you don’t have to think about it.
It’s in those moments you do stand still, when you lie in your bed and try to fall asleep, that this anxious feeling arises. A feeling that something isn’t right. At times the choice to pause isn’t optional and is made for you. When some outside force rattles the bars of your cherished and safe world and suddenly everything is turned upside down. To force you to stand still and to finally take a look at what’s happening in front of you.
It’s in those moments that you lift your eyes up from the ground. You take a look around and you start to notice the world around you. And you realize that this place, is no longer where you want to be. It’s in those moments you feel what it is (as coat, as luggage) that you carried with you all this time and how exhausted you really are. It is the moment you stop fighting and you grasp that it’s time to surrender.
So here you are, standing at the crossroads of your life.
The ‘Hidden Gift’
Take some time to look at your once treasured coat. Are you really that fond of it? How would it feel if you could take it off? How would it feel if things were different?
Do you know that you always have a choice to experience things differently?
Do you know that you always have a choice to do things differently?
What is it that you carry with you all this time that you so desperately cling to? The memory to something that happened to you in the past? The words and opinions of your dad, mom, someone from school or that colleague?
Because it happened then, it doesn’t mean that it will happen again. Because one person said something bad it doesn’t mean that it was true.
Because you made a certain choice, it doesn’t mean that you need to keep doing things the same way. You can always choose again. You can always make a different choice.
Sometimes it seems easier to keep holding on because these things and relationships feel safe and familiar even when they’re very painful to us.
But how can you receive something new when your hands are full with holding on to these old memories? There comes a time when you, carefully, need to loosen your grip and free one hand.
Somewhere deep inside you know where you want to go. You know what it is you want to do. You do. There’s that feeling, that knowing. A longing for something you never experienced, for something you never had. It speaks to you in dreams, night and day. It shows you what is possible, if only you would…
So you took the steps necessary. Read all you could, talked to people, listened to your feelings. Every one of those steps was backed up with the logic that it was the right thing to do. They all led you to now, to this point. And you wait… for the next clue.
But how much can you know? How much do you need to know? Do you need the whole map printed out for you? Do you need to know what lies around the next corner?
What if you could trust…you? What if you knew that you have already lived through so much, already learned so much that whatever you may encounter, you ARE capable. That you are in touch with your feelings and that you can trust them to show you what to do.
What would happen if you let go of the things (thoughts, feelings, memories) that are not serving you anymore, and you take this leap of faith?
What would happen, if you trust you and start today with a new beginning?
Copyright image lamp: There is a light that never goes out ~ Sam Wolff