Emotions Persoonlijke ontwikkeling

Hate is a useless feeling

28 March 2016

Hate is a useless feeling. Anger, now that’s constructive. Hate, is utterly useless.

I do understand, how much something can hurt you and how it feels. How deep it can affect you and how it sometimes overwhelms you. I understand perfectly well.

When someone crosses your boundaries by saying something mean that hurts you. Or physically attacks you and you end up injured. And whether this pain is caused by words or actions doesn’t matter at all, both will result in damage. Maybe the effect of words is even bigger. Those wounds are stained upon your soul. If you can’t express how you feel or if you can’t ask for help, the damage will be invisible to the world around you. And people won’t be able to see what’s going on and offer you their help. As a result you’ll keep carrying these feelings and their effect with you.


Anyway, in both cases it just hurts. And when it does you have a few options. You can unleash your pain by screaming out loud, you can cry or you can vent by saying some ‘words’. Or you can express yourself physically by beating a pillow or by kicking a ball really hard. Just do it! You’ll feel so good. Why?

Because when something hurts you, it will cause a reaction in your body. Emotions, feelings and energy are released. Slowly they bubble up and tension starts to mount. When you release this pressure, composed and in a safe environment (by expressing your anger) then it will also have an effect on your body. The tension will go away and you’ll feel calm again. And when the tension is gone you’ll gain clarity and you will be able to look at the facts, in a peaceful way.

‘What did happen? What was it that triggered you? Which boundary was crossed? Or was your expectation perhaps heart_and_headnot grounded? Was the other person just trying to provoke a certain reaction from you? But also, what can you do now? Is it talking calmly to the other person, or finding help or perhaps offering your assistance? What is it you can do to prevent this from happening again? Or is it out of your control and is it best to let it go?’

This will not only change something in you, it will also affect your connection with the other person. Because when you’re not feeling so tensed, it automatically reduces the tension between you and the other person.

Your feelings and your thinking are now working together to find a solution, a constructive solution. One that doesn’t keep you trapped in your feelings of anger and chained to the spot you are now. But one that will help you to move on, on your way to peace and a solution.



Anger is triggered by something outside of you. Hate on the other hand is your own choice.

A choice to stay enslaved by your feelings. At this point anger is not expressed in a safe way to bring back peace and clarity and to find a solution. But you express your anger by hurting another. Or by not expressing anything at all and dwelling in your emotions and shouting “But, they…”. These angry feelings will only increase and eventually change into resentment, or worse into hate.

You won’t feel relieved by directing your anger and hate to another person. It will only cause you to feel more trapped in your anger, and soon it will be followed by other feelings as shame or guilt. Or it will cause a chain reaction and tension between you two will escalate.

Hate doesn’t release tension. Hate never finds a solution. Hate won’t help you to move on, it will keep you locked where you are, right there with your distressing emotions. Hate won’t lead to a positive change in your connection with the other person.

And you know, hate won’t change the other person. Hate will affect you.

How useful is that?

Do you want to feel angry forever? Would you like that feeling to consume you inside, to cause energy blocks in your body that perhaps result into illness? Will that make you feel good?

Or would you like to feel happy again? To be able to feel warmth and love again.

Anger and hate are often easily confused with another and looked at as the same emotion. They are not. Anger that is expressed in a safe way will help you to move on, hate only causes more built up tension and will keep you imprisoned at the same spot. And is therefore a useless endeavor.


Copyright featured image: Brooke Shaden

Copyright image balance heart and head: Christian Schloe



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Sensitief zijn en je emoties voelen is sterk en positief. Maar in onze samenleving vinden wij vaak het tegenovergestelde. Al lange tijd slaan we de plank volledig mis. We komen er steeds meer achter dat niet voelen en niet over je gevoelens praten juist voor problemen als stress, depressies en ongezonde keuzes zorgt. En dat sensitief zijn een sterke eigenschap is waar we veel meer mee kunnen. Door mijn verhalen te delen wil ik je laten zien dat sensitief zijn en je lastige emoties aangaan zoveel sterker is dan niet voelen en dat we als sensitief mens (wat we allemaal zijn) gewoon mogen Zijn.

About me
Being sensitive and feeling your emotions is powerful and positive. But for centuries we’re thinking quite the opposite. We’ve been wrong all this time. We are starting to understand that not feeling and avoiding to talk about our feelings is what is causing our problems (stress, depression, unhealthy choices). We now also know that being sensitive is more than emotions and that it’s a quality that can help us in many more ways. By sharing my own stories I’d love to show you that being sensitive and feeling your difficult emotions is much stronger than not feeling at all and that as a sensitive being (which we all are) we can just Be.
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