Do you love you
When was the last time you praised yourself? Said encouraging words when you had to do something that made you feel distressed ? Comforted yourself when you were sad? Never? Why not?
Suppose you had a long day at work with tiresome conversations but still managed to wrap them up adequately. Or you’re working on a difficult project and things aren’t going as you would like them to. Later at night you stand in front of the bathroom mirror and you see yourself. What do you say to yourself? ‘Idiot, you could have done better.‘ Or ‘I will never manage to do this, I suck.‘ Hmmm…not very loving…
At times, when experiencing such troublesome moments we look to other people for validation and support. It sounds logical, because we want to be acknowledged for who we are. We want people to see us and we want people to love us. And especially we want people to love us unconditionally, at our good moments and the moments we are not so lovely. But do you see yourself, on the good and not so lovely moments? Can you acknowledge yourself? We are at risk when assigning expectations of love and acknowledgement to others, that we will become dependent on them for these things. What if the other person doesn’t pay attention or isn’t available and isn’t able to give you their love and care? Will you be disappointed? Do you blame them? Does, what you have accomplished mean less? How free and unconditional does love feel then?
Self love is taking good care of you. It is reassuring yourself when you have to face something you worry about. Comforting yourself when you are feeling sad or ashamed. It is noticing that you did the best you can and that it is enough and tomorrow will be another day. It is loving yourself on the good days and the days that aren’t so good. By loving you, you fill your own heart, you satisfy your own needs. And no, that isn’t selfish. You can not give to others what you don’t have. You can only give from what you already do have. It’s like the safety instructions on a plane that say when you are travelling with children to place the oxygen mask on yourself first and then offer assistance. Not the other way around.
When you love yourself, you are able to offer your love to another free and unconditionally. Then receiving something in return will not matter that much. Please don’t get me wrong, of course it’s great when love is reciprocated. But if you love yourself, you are not depended upon another to fulfill your needs. You are less dependent upon the acceptance of others. Then there’s no expectation or obligation. You live from a place of abundance because you already have enough love instead of a place of lack and feeling needy. And that makes love free and so much more gratifying. When you love yourself, you will feel powerful and you will radiate this energy of self-worth. You’ll attract people and relationships that are healthy and are a perfect match for you.
So praise yourself when you do something great. Comfort yourself when feeling sad or blue. Look yourself straight in the eye in the mirror and say ‘Hey you, you did great! I’m proud of you.’ Feels different right?!
You’re worthy to be loved. And especially by you.