{"id":1856,"date":"2016-09-03T20:17:56","date_gmt":"2016-09-03T18:17:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lindavanderkwast.com\/en\/?p=1856"},"modified":"2016-09-05T12:21:53","modified_gmt":"2016-09-05T11:21:53","slug":"allowed-to-learn-from-mistakes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lindavanderkwast.com\/en\/allowed-to-learn-from-mistakes\/","title":{"rendered":"When you’re allowed to learn from mistakes"},"content":{"rendered":"

You were so sure. It didn\u2019t take you long to think about it and before you knew it the words flew out of your mouth. You were right. And you made sure they knew that. But a few moments later, when the storm was over and peace returned, you started to wonder about your reaction. Feelings of shame and embarrassment were now taking over. \u2018Oh\u2026what was I thinking\u2019, you ask yourself. \u2018What did I do?\u2019<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all been there from time to time. You decide to go for something then later you find out it wasn\u2019t such a bright thing to do. Or in the heat of the moment words slip right out of your mouth and \u00a0you end up regretting it later. At times they\u2019re just small blunders which can easily be overlooked. Other times they seem to fit more in the category of disaster. It\u2019s when you cross a line, one of your own boundaries or someone else\u2019s. Ahhh\u2026. You would do anything to turn back the clock and change things. But sadly, you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

When we look at our society there are huge differences in how we handle glitches and someone making a mistake. Where one person is able to cope, to accept what\u2019s happening, to feel compassionate, to be honest and to move on, others might have more issues with that. And sometimes are taking a hard stance. When making a mistake themselves and, when seeing someone else stumble and fall.<\/p>\n

How you cope with a mistake has a lot to do with how you feel at such a moment and, how you handle these feelings. These feelings are often related to how you felt as a child in similar situations.<\/p>\n

Emotions from your childhood<\/h2>\n

When positive experiences filled your childhood then you know now how to deal with your missteps. When your experiences were less satisfying or when you\u2019re parents or caregivers didn\u2019t guide you well enough then, making a mistake and wanting to resolve it feels somewhat like a mystery to you. Usually you will choose from one of the following options; you run away and try to evade what happened, you get angry and you deny something\u2019s wrong or you freeze in the hope that nobody notices you.<\/p>\n

What was it like for you in your childhood when you tried something new and you (literally or figuratively) stumbled and fell?<\/p>\n

Was it okay to fall and were you allowed to cry? Was there someone with patience to help you back up and to comfort you? Were you allowed to express your frustrations when something went wrong, were you allowed to express your thoughts about it? Did your parent or caregiver take the time to calmly explain to you what happened? Was there someone who encouraged you to use your creativity and to try again? Was there room for you, as a child?<\/p>\n

If so you know, with this experience and what you’ve learned from it, how to deal with the feeling of disappointment and the possible feelings of anger and shame when something doesn\u2019t work out.<\/p>\n

You recognize this in your behavior as an adult.<\/p>\n